more dreaming

I'm blogging this because it was fun! lol...

So I ended up, at the end of this long rambly dream that I can't remember, other than needing to change my clothes at some point, and Sarah of Ethics Trading was in it, snogging Will Greenwood. Anyone who doesn't know who he is, well you can utilise your favourite search engine, lol, but he's not exactly pretty to look at. But he could talk rugby to me for hours and hours...

Not going to think about analysing this one beyond remembering that I was going to sleep thinking about the idea of embracing one's other half's interests. Think I took it a bit too literal somehow!! lol

accept, adapt, move on?

I woke up early this morning, it was about half past 6 when I was conscious enough to remember to check the time. I'd had a dream, and it's stuck with me, unlike most dreams. Well really it's just the ending that I remember. I'm guessing the dream was sparked off to a degree by reading Rosalie's story in Eclipse, as I was part of some royalty and there was a big do, I think it was my wedding, so there were loads of guests and preparation and it was all really weird (well duh, it's a dream! but anyway...) I was going to wear a certain outfit, it was a bit Barbarella I guess, or perhaps original series Star Trek (hm, could I be Spock's bride, the new Spock that is? That would work for me, oh yes.) but when I came to wear it, it was too small as I had put on weight since I wore it last, and I had the court dressmakers fussing around me trying to sort it out.

And then I woke up, so I never got to see the finished article. But a mantra's been stuck in my head all day, the title of this post. On the surface it sounds healthy, to accept the current situation as being how it is, how it's going to be, adapt to it to make the best of it and move on from stressing/obsessing about it. But that unfinished dress is bugging me too. If I accept the status quo, will it all come back to bite me on the arse the next time I lose the plot like I have this Winter? And what part of the status quo was the dream about? My size? My home-life? My marriage? All of it?

If the thing that's really bugging me right now, which is my lack of time at home alone, is just how it's going to be, am I letting dh off? Can I really accept it or is the resentment going to build up and explode later on? I guess it feels more like admitting defeat than accepting the inevitable.

*sigh*

forgot a couple of things...

This is what happens when dd4 doesn't get to watch a dvd in bed. Clearly it's the only way, still, that she will lie down for long enough to go to sleep. So if I can't persuade the bugger to work today we'll have to get a new one :-| Still, cute pics though eh?

Some of the things distracting me from blogging and fanfic-ing this week... New Moon Movie.org and Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook

another week...

So Gloucester have crashed and burned in the past few weeks, gods know what they're thinking. If they're thinking. Ugh.

And yesterday was yet another focusless Saturday morning, but I'll let dh off a bit this time as he has hayfever pretty bad and I didn't want to wake him. But being woken up almost an hour before the time my alarm was set to go off by dd3 shouting, "Pye! Pye! Pye! Pye! *whistle* *whistle* Pye! Pye!" and this was about 40 mins after I'd already woken up for some other random reason, meant that I wasn't in much of a fit state to do anything anyway. *sigh* Our wedding anniversary is next Saturday, we're planning to go out for a meal, seems a bit unfair to hijack that for a 'meaningful discussion' but it's probably the only way, and fairly fitting really.

I haven't even looked at my fanfic this week. Maybe that means I'm in a better mood overall, it's pretty dark stuff and I need to be in the right frame of mind for it to flow. Makes one wonder how crime novelists and scriptwriters do it all the time.

I got round to getting my bass from my mum's but I can't find the lead now, doh. I don't often get into town or go anywhere near a music shop, though actually there is one quite near an alterations shop that I didn't know about until I was dropping dd1 off at St John's Ambulance Cadets last week. I could go and see if they might have the right sized press-stud machine for my faulty jackets, and go get a new lead and a tuning fork or something, and talk to them about the piano too. It's a shame the excellent fishmonger round the corner from there is long gone.

Speaking of fish, must dash, going to Sainsburys to see if they still do tuna fishcakes, if not I'm getting salmon for tea. And this afternoon I'm going for a walk.

another day...

Another Saturday morning goes by without me being able to say 'this is my working time.' I really need to figure out how to nail this down with dh without it turning into a row, which could happen, or the conversation being about him, which is what usually happens when I try to go in empathetically. I don't want to lay down the law either, but the way things are isn't really working for me, something's got to change, and not drift back like it often does when we try to change stuff. It's not like there's the excuse of a dodgy back any more, dh shouldn't have to lift dd4 at all unless she throws a strop I suppose. Ah well, will brace myself to sort it out soon...

Meanwhile, it's the EDF cup this afternoon, come on Gloucester! When I get my head on right and stop overeating I might be able to fit the shirt that dh got me for Christmas or birthday or whenever it was, lol.

that's another fine mess...

Not blogged for a few days, though I have been writing. I finished the chapter I was on and started a new one, but the first still needs editing. I still haven't transferred the doing impulse to work though.

I may be appearing to be invisible on msn/wlm as I have a new friend, who is male, who doesn't yet know that I can't really play on msn in the same way I might elsewhere. I'm sure he's just having a laugh, I'm also sure that dh wouldn't remotely see it that way if he happened to see flirting in an individual message box :-|

Back to Midnight Sun, or writing, or reading New Moon news... anything to keep me away from kids' tv...

bass notes...

Dd2 wants to learn to play bass guitar. Cool! That's alright cos we already have one, and a small practice amp. If they still work. Been several years since I touched them, and I never really played properly. I got them before I got pregnant, thinking I could pick it up fairly easily as I played double bass in school, but I just didn't get round to playing. It will be really nice to see them get some use, if she follows through. I'm going to try to play the piano more too, it needs tuning again. I'm a bit puzzled though, I watched a couple of youtube piano lesson videos yesterday and our piano was way out from the one on the videos, like a good couple of tones out, does that mean it was badly done before? Or that there's some weirdness going on with the puter? Hm, answers on a postcard...