Wednesday, 29 April 2009

accept, adapt, move on?

I woke up early this morning, it was about half past 6 when I was conscious enough to remember to check the time. I'd had a dream, and it's stuck with me, unlike most dreams. Well really it's just the ending that I remember. I'm guessing the dream was sparked off to a degree by reading Rosalie's story in Eclipse, as I was part of some royalty and there was a big do, I think it was my wedding, so there were loads of guests and preparation and it was all really weird (well duh, it's a dream! but anyway...) I was going to wear a certain outfit, it was a bit Barbarella I guess, or perhaps original series Star Trek (hm, could I be Spock's bride, the new Spock that is? That would work for me, oh yes.) but when I came to wear it, it was too small as I had put on weight since I wore it last, and I had the court dressmakers fussing around me trying to sort it out.

And then I woke up, so I never got to see the finished article. But a mantra's been stuck in my head all day, the title of this post. On the surface it sounds healthy, to accept the current situation as being how it is, how it's going to be, adapt to it to make the best of it and move on from stressing/obsessing about it. But that unfinished dress is bugging me too. If I accept the status quo, will it all come back to bite me on the arse the next time I lose the plot like I have this Winter? And what part of the status quo was the dream about? My size? My home-life? My marriage? All of it?

If the thing that's really bugging me right now, which is my lack of time at home alone, is just how it's going to be, am I letting dh off? Can I really accept it or is the resentment going to build up and explode later on? I guess it feels more like admitting defeat than accepting the inevitable.

*sigh*

4 comments:

these boots said...

Hello Trog. Just wanted to let you know that I'm reading, and interested ... no answers here tho and I think I'm maybe struggling with some of the same things too.

oh, and the whole Spock /Sylar thing .... can't relate to that at all! Def not my type. Weird eyes. If I was looking for a Hero I think I'd give Peter a go, tho :-)

mamadillo said...

Thanks Lucy :-)

Zachary Quinto... I'm not sure either, think it's the eyes, the intensity, a certain 'oomph'... Prolly more obvious than the dream I had this morning anyway, which I'm about to blog, lol.

My pet witch, AKA Fiona-the-Homeopath, lol, suggested that the dress was about me having grown as a person. Interesting but again I'm not sure where I'm going with it. Just have to ride it out, it seems.

mamadillo said...

Oh and Peter, mm yeah I can kind-of see it but it's all superficial, no depth. I quite like depth...

lucy.web said...

LOL just *had* to pop back here and tell you that I'm currently watching Heroes 3 (we only watch dvds so waaaaay behind everyone else) and oooh yeah I now totally get the Zachary Quinto thing. I have really surprised myself! Yum.

But I could still go for Peter as long as he was the 'dark' scarred Pete.

Such intellectual conversations we have. ahem.

L x